


Beneath the Darkness

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fix-It of Sorts, Injury Recovery, M/M, Past Character Death, Scars, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:02:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27508807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Rey takes an injured Kylo Ren back to D’Qar. Poe is forced to face his past as well as his trauma on the Finalizer — even as they continue fighting the First Order.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron/Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7
Collections: Fics I Wrote Out Of Spite, The Darkpilot Library





	1. If

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It was when Poe got back to the grounds of D’Qar that he saw the truth for himself. Finn, unconscious, no doubt badly injured. And...

No. Ben couldn’t be Kylo. He just couldn’t be. There was so much about it that wasn’t right, that couldn’t be right. But here he was. 

Poe watched as Leia hugged the girl coming off the Falcon’s ramp, before turning around and all but ordering the others to get Finn and Kylo — Ben, he thought, with a sharp, shooting pain in his heart. It couldn’t be Ben, but it was all but staring Poe straight in the face, and Poe —

Poe just couldn’t deny it. 

Even though he wanted to. 

***

”Why didn’t you tell me?” 

Kylo Ren — no, Ben Solo — was in medbay, and the girl, Rey (Poe had learned), was currently looking after Finn. The way that she looked at him, Poe thought, it was clear that she thought the galaxy of him. She was worried for him. That was what led her to win over Kylo. Poe doubted he knew how to feel. The fact he’d hurt Finn — how could he? 

But at the same time, this man had been everything to him, once upon a time. Everything. Poe couldn’t help but shiver, thinking about how close they had been, once upon a time. 

Leia sighed. “I turned it over and over in my mind,” she said. “How to tell you. How to let you know. But...there was no way I could.”

”A simple, ‘Oh, by the way, Poe, your best friend’s the guy who tortured you’ would have sufficed, wouldn’t it?” Poe had to barely restrain himself from shouting at General Organa. Barely. 

Leia winced. “I didn’t know if you were ready for the pain,” she said. “There was a period, just a period, where I thought that he wouldn’t hurt you. I know him...or thought I did. He was so gentle with you, Poe...”

Poe nodded. “Once.”

”And there was a moment, I felt...a moment when he hesitated. And when he was torturing you...I could have sworn I felt Snoke there. Felt him. Snoke had a Force Bond with Ben. Forced it, if you will. And he...sent shocks of pain over it to make Ben do what he said.”

”So,” Poe said, feeling like an airlock had opened in his stomach, “Snoke...hurt him too.”

It was something he didn’t consider, the idea that Kylo Ren was also a torture victim. 

”I don’t know what to do with him,” Leia said. “Admittedly. I should hate him for killing my husband. If it were a stranger, I could. But I can’t.”

It was times like these where Poe wished he could reach out and comfort her. 

***

"You here to see Finn?” 

Rey...she sounded more prim and proper than a girl raised on Jakku would be. And Poe...well, the truth was, he was here to see both of them. Finn and Kylo. 

”I’m here to see them both,” Poe said. 

Rey snorted. “Mighty generous of you, seeing Kylo Ren.”

”It’s...a long story."

Even speaking to Kalonia, it was clear that Finn’s injuries were more severe. Kylo’s were more superficial. Especially the facial scar. Not that that couldn’t be life-changing in its own right. 

The scar was knitting. A medical droid was putting it back together, knitting it, stitching it. While Rey was speaking with Finn’s unconscious form, Poe walked over to Kylo. 

”I...I failed you,” Kylo murmured. “I’m sorry.”

”Almost expected you to say ‘come to gloat’ or something,” Poe said. He shoved his hands in his pockets, momentarily feeling an uncomfortable blend of...something. 

”No.” Kylo said. “Didn’t want to — Snoke — Snoke tortured me if I didn’t comply...”

”You’re talking about the Finalizer.”

”Yes." 

Poe sighed. “Look, even putting that aside, you did a lot of harm to a lot of people.”

”I know. Thought...killing Han Solo would make the pain stop...didn’t...”

”No stang,” Poe snapped. He saw the flash of hurt in Kylo’s eyes and felt, momentarily, sorry for him. Then, “Ben...General Organa’s gonna see what to do with you once you’re patched up.”

”Torture, then?”

Who the hell told him that? “The Resistance doesn’t do torture,” Poe said. “No one deserves it...no matter what their crimes."

After all, considering that Ben had been tortured by Snoke as well, there was that. 

***

Poe saw Finn too. "You did good,” he said to Finn’s unconscious body. “Really good. Finn...I know that you probably feel like a failure, but...you were strong. Incredibly strong.”

”He is,” Rey said. 

They walked out of medbay. Rey turned to look at him. “Was...Ren important to you once?” she said. 

Poe thought back, to running through fields and jungles. To Ben’s uncompromising faith in him even when Poe didn’t believe in himself. “You could say that,” he said. He felt like he had to turn away from Rey, embarrassed. 

”It’s not your fault,” Rey said. “Really."

Maybe it wasn’t, Poe thought. Maybe. But even as he headed towards his room, he couldn’t help but wonder if it was his fault. If he really wasn’t enough. If, if, if...

Poe flopped on the bed once he got towards his room. BB-8 wheeled up to him, dwooing softly, and Poe petted his dome. Hardly anyone else would understand. At least BB-8 did. 


	2. Lock and Key

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia comes to a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It was the next morning that Leia told Poe. 

”We’ve been debating,” Leia said, “And...I will confess that I am in a complicated situation, Poe. Part of it is the matter of me wanting to atone for my own mistakes.”

”But you did nothing!” Poe protested. 

”I know, Poe,” Leia said. “That’s the problem. When Snoke was mentally torturing that sweet, innocent boy, I was all but useless against him. I did nothing.” A strained laugh. “It...it wasn’t supposed to be that way, of course. I was able to strangle a slug for putting me in a degrading outfit. But Snoke...even the fact that he was in my head, blocking my efforts, doesn’t change the fact I failed my own son. Even animals protect their cubs.”

She wasn’t supposed to be that way. Poe bit his lip, feeling suddenly uncomfortable just watching her, just seeing her. 

"Leia,” he said. “Don’t say that.”

”Did you know I quit being a Jedi because the Force wanted me to kill my boy? That's how I love him. I still do. I can’t hate him, even if I wanted to.”

”I know.”

The feeling was uncomfortably familiar, Poe knew that. 

”I want to reform him,” Leia said. “I told Han I didn’t want to forget him. That I wanted him back. And...I think you’re the closest thing to his guide on base.”

Poe froze. Kylo hadn’t wanted to torture him. Kylo had said it, Leia had said it. It didn’t mean that Poe almost worried about it happening again...

Leia continued. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. I can have Kaydel do it — ”

“I can do it,” Poe said. "Just...for the sake of what we shared.”

”Thank you, Poe.”

***

When Poe actually entered medbay, he couldn’t help but feel heat rush to his cheeks just seeing Kylo...well, basically in his underwear. He couldn’t help but feel unexpectedly shy — and he shouldn’t, he thought; he was thirty-two, after all. 

”Are you just going to stare at me?” Kylo said. 

”Don’t you have something you can put on?” Poe said. “Like...pants?”

”I was mostly looking for pants that will cover my bandages. Ah...that’ll do. Turn around, will you?”

Poe did. Of course Kylo was wearing black. Of course he was. 

”You look...nice,” Poe said. 

”Well, I suppose that’s an interesting day, when my bodyguard comes in to ogle me.”

”I most certainly was not,” Poe muttered. Of course, Kylo didn’t look bad mostly naked. Ben had been pretty strongly built when he’d gotten to adulthood. Broad shouldered. Powerful thighs. Everything. 

”Your thoughts betray you,” Kylo said wryly. 

”Anyway,” Poe said, “I’m here because General Organa wants to reform you.”

”Now?” Kylo said. “Now she’s trying to save me? And here I thought she had abandoned me. Replaced me.”

”What?” Somehow, Poe couldn’t wrap his mind around it. “She loves you! I...I was looking for you because you’re my friend!” _There. Good one, Poe_. “How can you even say that?”

”Snoke told me. And the Supreme Leader is wise.”

_Oh stars, he’s gonna need psychiatric help..._

“Maybe he’s not as wise as you think,” Poe said.

”How could you? He was there for me when no one else was! You certainly didn’t try and save me when I needed you...”

”I didn’t just go to Jakku for the map,” Poe said, feeling frustration start to bubble in him. “I went looking for you! You mean everything to me, Ben!”

Kylo froze. Visibly, winced. 

Poe walked towards him, approaching him much like approaching a wounded, angry animal. Carefully, that is. "You do. You really do mean everything. And I don’t want you thinking that Snoke’s right about people not caring about you.”

”They shouldn’t.”

”You don’t get to tell me how to feel.”

Silence. 

”Take me to the training room,” Kylo said, and Poe swore he could feel the grit in his voice. 

Poe supposed that he could. After all, he could access it...

***

Even watching Kylo beating the stang out of that training dummy, Poe supposed that it was preferable to, say, Force choking people, but it still hurt. When had Ben even gotten so angry?

”Ben!” Poe shouted over the din. 

Eventually, Kylo stopped. He looked so tired, so worn. “Did I scare you?” he said. 

”Takes a lot to scare me,” Poe said. “Really."

”I can see that. I’m not...used to people caring about me. Not in six years, at least.”

”I’m with you,” Poe said. “I can help you, Ben. Really.”

Kylo was still for a moment. Then, “I believe you believe that. At least.”

***

There was chatter in the mess hall. A lot of chatter. Kylo knew that the Resistance was celebrating Luke Skywalker coming back. They had no idea, did they? About what he’d nearly done? How he would have killed Ben Solo if Ben hadn’t brought the hut down...

And Poe definitely didn’t know. Should Kylo even tell him? Would it shatter him even more? Kylo could sense him, his mind patching together, and he hated himself if only for that.

”You’re awfully quiet,” Poe said, softly. 

Kylo nodded. “I suppose I am.” Then, “How...have you been?”

”Managing. I ran into Terex a few times.”

”Oh. Him.” Terex hadn’t thought much of Kylo, and the feeling was mutual. Terex was basically Ren without Ren’s charisma and with infinitely more hedonism. “Was annoying you to death on his list of priorities?”

He didn’t miss the way that Poe’s lips twitched. An endearing twitch, Kylo thought. “Maybe it was.” A beat. "I think I like your sense of humor better when you’re not making fun of me."

”When was I?” Kylo said. “When I said you were the best pilot in the Resistance and that you were strong, I wasn’t making fun of you."

”Huh." Poe clearly didn’t seem to consider that. 

”You did fight bravely,” Kylo said. “For what it’s worth. I do respect the ones who are brave.”

He didn’t miss the way Poe’s face softened. How he looked like he was about to cry.

“You are,” Kylo said. “You always have been. And I have to ask...was putting the map in BB-8 your homage to my — to General Organa?”

A nod from Poe. 

"It was clever,” Kylo said. “That can’t be denied.”

He knew, at least, that he’d give everything to put Poe back together.

***

General Organa was off getting Skywalker (brilliant, Kylo thought sarcastically. The Force must have really been angry with him for killing Han Solo). Kylo was in his room, a room that was better quality than he expected, psyching himself up mentally for how he was going to explain the night the Temple burned down to Poe. There had to be. But Poe had been through enough, hadn’t he?

Poe was sitting on the bed next to him. Too close. Too trusting. “Ben?”

Kylo took a deep breath. “There’s something you need to know...”


	3. Hypocrites

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo tries to tell Poe about Luke. It doesn’t go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

“What do you want to tell me?” Poe said to Kylo, and already, Kylo found himself dreading what was to come. Poe had been shattered enough. But what would shatter him worse, him finding out later, or sooner? It was something that Kylo couldn’t help but wonder. 

”It’s about Skywalker," Kylo said. “You know the night we had that...fight?”

Poe nodded. Kylo didn’t miss the way he winced in that moment. 

"Well, I was going to sleep...no, start over. It’s best I tell it to you like a story. A story about a boy — and a hypocrite.”

Poe leaned forward. Kylo didn’t miss the way his brows seemed to knit in confusion. 

”There was a boy,” Kylo said. “A boy who loved his best friend tremendously. Deeply. A boy who would do anything to protect him.”

”Kylo — ”

“And the hypocrite hated the boy. Hated him, and feared him, for his power, for all that he was. The stronger the boy loved, the more the hypocrite hated him, all he was, all he could be. Until the night the boy fought with his friend, and...and the hypocrite tried to do to him what the boy did to his own father...”

Kylo found himself forcing the last words out. He regretted it — seeing Poe’s mind shatter once again. 

”No,” Poe said, “Luke couldn’t have done this...he couldn’t have. Not when he was willing to redeem Vader...”

”Why do you think I called him a hypocrite?” Kylo said bitterly. 

”I...” Poe had nerves of durasteel. His wonderful, indescribably rare Poe. But even people with nerves of durasteel could break and fray. They had their limits to what they could bear. “I...don’t know what to believe...”

Kylo could feel his hands clench into fists. “You think I’m lying?”

"I don’t know! I just don’t know..." Poe looked like he wanted to knock something off the table. Anything. "I can’t know...”

Kylo bit his lip. “I’m sorry — ”

”I just...I can’t...I don’t understand...”

Poe sank on the bed, nails all but digging into his palms. Somehow, that hurt worse than Poe just up and walking out. Because when Poe hurt, it was like everything in Kylo hurt too. Poe’s pain became his. 

"I’m sorry..." Kylo finally said. 

”You bastard.”

After what he had told Poe, Kylo supposed that was fair. 

***

Poe wasn’t particularly long-legged, but he tried to keep ahead of Kylo even as he walked ahead of him. He could all but feel Kylo’s hurt, even without the Force — like Kylo just wanted someone to believe him. Someone to understand. But Poe...

Didn’t Kylo understand? Luke was practically family too. A family friend. Him just trying to kill Ben —

Poe tried to put it together. Tried to. He couldn’t. It felt like his brain couldn’t even make sense of it —

"You can’t just keep running away,” Kylo said. 

”Maybe I can.” Poe didn’t even look at Kylo. 

"So Skywalker’s more important to you than me?" Kylo said, softly. He wasn’t screaming. He wasn’t raising his voice. He just sounded genuinely hurt. 

"I don’t know.” Poe finally turned to look at Kylo. A man that muscles and intimidating-looking shouldn’t look like a lost kath hound, Poe thought. 

” ‘I don’t know,’” Kylo mimicked, acidically. “How reassuring. That’s another way of saying you don’t believe me. He was a Jedi Master, and me? I was nothing at all."

”Kylo — ”

Kylo had already walked off towards the training room. Poe cursed, softly. Kylo could be as angry as he wanted with him, but he couldn’t just stalk off by himself. 

Poe took a deep breath and power-walked after him. 

***

The training room. Kylo was already hacking furiously at a training dummy, superimposing on it the faces of so many people who had let him down. General Organa, Luke Skywalker, Snoke...

”Kylo, this isn’t helping anyone!” Poe’s voice. 

Oh Force, how had he gotten there? Why was he there? “Are you — going — to tell me more things — you don’t believe me about?”

”Kylo, for kriff’s sake...”

”Go away.”

A sigh from Poe. “I don’t know when you started acting like a kid in a twenty-nine-year-old’s body, but this isn’t you.”

”Stop presuming to know me," Kylo retorted. “People think they know me. They’re delusional.”

He could feel Poe’s hurt all but bleeding through the Force, and he regretted saying those words. 

"I care about you,” Poe said. 

”Doesn’t count. You care about everybody.”

”I...” A sigh. “That’s true. That doesn’t mean it matters any less. I just don’t...like it when you break stuff. I don’t want you to hurt. Or hate yourself."

That...somehow, Kylo could believe. He turned around — and Poe just looked so hurt, so confused, so lost. Had Kylo been so angry at Luke that he didn’t think of how Poe was feeling?

"I’m...” Kylo swallowed. "I’m sorry.”

”Thank you. Look — I was just shocked. That’s all. And I don’t know what to think, what to feel.”

”It makes sense.” 

Hesitantly, Kylo stepped forward, towards Poe and their hands brushed, and there was a moment when Kylo swore his heart sped up, briefly. “Thank you,” Kylo said.

”No problem. Come on.”

They headed to the mess hall, and for a moment, Kylo could swear that things would be all right. Just for a moment. At least, before Skywalker got back. 


End file.
